HUMANS ARE NUTS (work in progress)
COPYRIGHT JULY 2017
Wisdom Digest Publishing
Thomas Trost Braun Senior
ALL COMMERCIAL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
You may copy for non-commercial use
I am not human, my avatar is, and it’s NUTS. Your avatar is nuts too. Everyone's avatar is nuts. Some human avatars are just extra stupendously nuts. So excuse me while I make fun of the human avatar and play with your nutsiness.
Unlike the booklet, “The Power In Thank You” which is nice and kind, this book is not THAT book. Here I make fun of the humorous and wackadoodle side of human nature and the human condition. I detail why humans are nuts, how not to be nuts and how to enjoy life when it kicks you in the groin (I bet you thought I was going to say "nuts"....well....I was).
Humans read self-help books to become happy. They know it doesn’t work but they like to read (the first title for this work was "Life Is Pain--Quit Being Such A Crybaby", followed by, “The Mean Self-Help book”. That title is only half true now. It still is mean, but it won’t help you).
After 69 years of living among people who think complaining is the path to joy, peace and happiness I’ve decided to give it a try.
When the student is ready the teacher appears and screw his mind. Afterwards, the students is worse off than when he did it to himself.
This book is supposed to be entertaining. Should it fail to entertain you, please request a refund from the person sitting next to you.
This book is written at various levels of misunderstanding. The same words may mean different things to you depending on your experiences or how far you’ve rolled from your family nut tree.
Sorry to say, 97% of humans have beliefs but are too busy to examine them; 35% are afraid to examine them; 26% don’t care if their opinions and beliefs are true; 99% think they know the truth and the 1% who actually know the truth and have the proof and tell others are hunted down and killed by the 99% who believe life isn’t a joke. A wise person will say, “I don’t know,” instead of “I believe.” Most people think believing is knowing, when in truth, believing is NOT knowing. Hope, belief, faith and feelings are tools to gain knowledge, NOT substitutes for knowledge (who knew?").
EXPERIENCE NEEDS no BELIEF or FAITH, THE REST YOU DON’T KNOW, SO JUST ADMIT IT AND FREE YOURSELF FROM YOUR WACKADOODLE THOUGHTS & BELIEFS.
This book is NOT for you if you are one of the 6.7% of the U.S. adult population suffering from clinical depression or some other mental illnesses like being a fruitcake with nuts.
This book IS for you if you have not been certified nuts by the American Psychiatric Association or if you are nuts and just haven't gone in to get your certificate.
This book attempts to get humans to look at life using reason and logic so there is no doubt it will be used as toilet paper.
What is known: You know you are here, live a few years and die just before your funeral. On the wacky side of life you have hopes, opinions, beliefs, faith and feelings that prove nothing but do make the world a wacky-doodle place to raise children to be as nuts as you and your parents.
If you find truth in this book you looked too hard and should read it again to make sure. If you still think you found truth, throw it away, for by now your life has changed and you’ll be looking for someone to blame which is why mirrors should be outlawed.
If you haven't been cured by the time you finish reading the Forward, welcome to the 99% of the population who think getting frustrated, stressed and angry is normal. Maybe by the time you finish reading the Introduction you will be among the 1% who are continually at peace no matter what life does, and no matter what the 99% do on weekends to screw things up.
(Stuff that you do not need to know if you enjoy being miserable)
How did the universe and man come to be? Happenstance, design, a kid’s science project? No matter how life came to be, humans have to deal with life as it is and not as they fantasize it should be. Fantasizes are great as long as you die before you wake up.
JUDGMENTAL THINKING IS THE BEST PLAGUE TO ASSURE LIFE CONTINUES TO ENTERTAIN YOU
Religions are stories that try to explain the human condition called reality. If you are comfortable with your story may it bring you joy, peace and happiness and other interesting feelings that will prove true or not depending on whether you wake up dead.
I don’t have a story. Life is life. It is what it is. I accept the reality that is life, and I only suffered during the Twinky and Ding Dong famine.
I know from 69 years of living that my life is undisturbed when I accept what is that cannot be changed while working to screw-up what can be changed. I live the golden rule every Tuesday: Treat others the way you want to be treated....and the rest of the week I mess with peoples minds so I don’t get liked too much.
Since humans do not live life in isolation, getting along with people and accepting their weirdness makes all the difference in the world. However, there are humans that are so over-the-top nuts and are such unpacifiable crybabies, that I’ve included 20 thoughts where I complain about them and make fun of them and just basically devolve into a crybaby.
After years of interacting with people I now prefer to live alone in a shack and I only go outside to see if the weather-channel got it wrong again.
The following thoughts are aimed at you, and unless you duck they will hit you. The thoughts are numbered so you can circle the ones that make you mad and drive you nuts so that you can re-read them again and again and again and again and again.
Thoughts are in random unrelated and unorganized order to reduce the stress associated with actually trying to use them to improve your life, or, I was just too lazy to organize them.
What follows are 240 thoughts you should run by your kids before they get old enough to chase you. Plus 20 thoughts you should not tell your kids if they are armed and dangerous. And an additional 20 free bonus thoughts that won’t help you either.
HUMANS ARE NUTS
HUMANS ARE NUTS
1. During challenging experiences you might think life was designed to personally torment and torture you, but it wasn’t. It was designed to torment and torture everyone, but not everyone boobs about it.
2. You only get one body so you might want to take care of it just in case your life depends on it.
3. Expect the best, be at peace with the rest and redouble your efforts when something doesn’t work the way you wanted it to or just quit and join Complainers Anonymous where you anonymously say, “Hi. My name is George. I’m a quitter. Where are the punch and cookies?”
4. Life does not exist to please you. If you ask, “Then whose job is it?” maybe its time to change your own diapers.
5. When life kicks your butt instead of kissing it and you go nuts and cry about it, you’re human (in some far away galaxy that may not be a compliment).
6. Since what you think determines much of what your life will be like, try not to give it much thought. It probably isn’t that important, so you can ignore the counsel that “As a man thinketh so is he,” and ignore the self-evident truth that, “Raise-up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. ”So....never try to control your mind’s thoughts (nor your emotions from which they spring) because joy, peace and happiness are probably way over rated. I mean seriously, who wants to be joyful, at peace and happy all the time. People like that are such a pain. So don’t be a pain. Join the masses who never give a thought to controlling their thoughts–just let churches, government and schools do it. I mean seriously, what could go wrong?
7. When you were an infant your body screamed when it was uncomfortable. Now as an adult you scream when your thoughts make you uncomfortable. Most people blame it on advertising, but we all know it’s the Jone’s fault for trying to make us keep up with them (“Dammit...now I won’t be satisfied until I get a new car and my wife gets a boob job. I need to move next door to a poor ugly Jones family whose mom has a flat-chest).
8. Humans are the universe’s most outrageously entertaining species to ever appear in 3D reality. They are funny, goofy, loony, wackadoodle, illogical and nonsensical, but otherwise quite nuts. How can you not love them? OK...we can probably do without the crybabies.
9. Are you ready to live on a world where your every thought and word becomes reality in an instant? Imagine thinking, “Life sucks!” and suddenly you’re sucked through the air trying to think how to unsuck yourself. Are you ready to live on a world where your every emotion materializes what you feel instantly? Imagine feeling afraid that you might hit your thumb with a hammer and immediately you hit your thumb with a hammer. If you do not yet control your thoughts and emotions, being a carpenter is a bad idea, as is expecting your life to be continual joy, peace, bliss and never experiencing a hangover.
HUMANS SEEK PLEASURE, HAPPINESS, JOY, PEACE AND COMFORT, AND WHEN THEY ACHIEVE THEM THEY KILL THEM WITH WORRY, ANXIETY, STRESS and their funeral.
10. I repeat myself again: Expect the best be at peace with the rest.
LIFE IS LIFE THE REST IS ATTITUDE (don't make life personal) MOST CERTAINLY DON'T TAKE LIFE PERSONAL, if you do....welcome to a life of pain, self-inflicted pain (now you should feel better because you did it to yourself).
11. Life is pain. Life is what it is. When things happen that you don’t like, say to yourself, “It is what it is,” and don’t add crybaby commentary like, “Boohoo...WaaWaa...I’m screwed...poor me, life sucks.” Accept life for what it is; deal with it; get over it and move on and continue to live your life. No one likes crybabies....except the people who sell Kleenex.
12. Irrespective of media lies, Hollywood brainwashing, public school indoctrination and government propaganda, life does not exist to please you (however if you keep taking your meds , the stockholders will be pleased).
13. If you spell the word “human” backwards it spells, humans are nuts.
14. To earth your bound, your journey to commence. Take with you this dictum sound into a world of recompense: How you view the world, is your world.
15. What is the essential point of most religions? Is it not about how not to get beat-up by other people, how to get along with humans, how not to make them angry, how to play nice in the sandbox of life (I’m setting aside any other agendas they might have) Almost all religions–at their core–teach The Golden Rule. Obeying that rule would assure peace on earth, but instead most people prefer the title and ignore the rule. You cannot ignore the rule and be at peace. TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WA NT TO BE TREATED; LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF; DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU. Or...just obey the Sand Box Rules you were taught when young: Don’t eat dirt and don’t throw it; play nice; don't bite; share; don’t be selfish. And then there are the Adult Sand box Rules: Don’t lie, don’t deceive, don’t scam, don’t let your needs, wants and desires trump your inner-goodness. Let your innate love for others serve you and others. Don’t let your animal nature be the boss. Be the kind of person you like spending time with (even people who do despicable things don’t hang-out with people who they can’t trust, who lie, cheat, deceive, steal and are never satisfied, are contentious, disagreeable, negative, complaining and emotionally disturbed "ME ME ME" crybabies). Try not to be one and you you'll enjoy life more. And remember, the real golden rule is whoever has the gold rules. Don't forget that.
16. Earth is a death world. Death fuels life. You can’t eat if you don’t kill. If your diet (what we eat is not called DIE-IT for nothing) includes meat you can get someone to kill your food for you. For money they will pluck the gizzards out of murdered chickens and you can just buy your chicken corpses at a grocery store. If you eat fruits and vegetable you can get someone to rip, tear and pull them for you so you can skin, dice, slice and boil them alive. Yes, the living kill the living and eat them, and from the rotting leftovers grows new life. Mother-earth kills her offspring (it’s called Mother’s Nature). She will kill you with heat, cold, wind, fire, famine, drought, earthquakes, tsunami, volcanoes, tornadoes and hurricanes or with her ravenous tear you apart and spit out your bones animal kingdom, or she’ll bug you to death literally or she will eat you alive with her micro-organisms that love to feed at the human-body buffet until you’re dead. Mommy is a mass-serial-killer and she eats her babies). Life is a picnic and you are the main course and your children are dessert. Welcome to your warm and fuzzy mother-earth home. Now get out there and kill something.
17. Your first breath was a battle-cry, and your last breath will be a sigh, and in-between is mystery, wonder and magic as you spin life’s realities into your own. So mount up, rise to the challenge, engage the adventure for all you are worth, for in old-age and with fond reflection you will realize it was the struggle, the fight and the battle that made life worth living. Yet how serene and peaceful you will be if you engaged the wrath of life with a cheerful heart and vanquished your foes with a smile, a chuckle and a mighty laugh because you now know, life’s insanity was but your own.
18. Did your thoughts not help to make the person that is you? Of the thoughts you could have thought who else but you did choose? Like a seed your every thought produces fruit in kind. Either you are victim of or master of your mind.
19. Humans are the nuts in the fruitcake of life, and Earth is the perfect nut orchard that spawns exactly what a nut orchard should, a frustrated variety of human nuts that would bedevil the God that didn’t create them if she hadn’t escaped the planet and disconnected her internet.
20. How did you get here? You were born on this spinning rock because two people you did not know had unprotected sex without your permission. “Happy Birthday.”
21. You were born with a body that leaks. It’s mostly liquid and has more holes in it than a sponge. You will spend your whole life trying to keep it from oozing to death and finally lose.
22. You came with a male or female body (or a moustache in the wrong place). If you like the sex you got, and like the sex you’re not, that’s how you roll. Others roll different. That’s life.
23. Your body may not be real healthy, athletic or shapely. Don’t worry about it. You can always join the circus or make money on YouTube.
24. You came with personality quirks, disposition, temperament and tendencies. You may not like what you came with. If no one likes what you came with, they made a T-shirt for you: MEAN PEOPLE SUCK
25. You were born with unique abilities, like bad breath and gas. They are your weapons. Learn to use them. They may be the only super-powers you ever have.
26. You were born into a family, ethnic group, culture, society, government and nation, and if you think that’s weird wait until you meet your in-laws.
27. Nothing in life is negative or positive unless you think so, and then it is so....for you.
28. Life is a bunch of projects, things to do until dead, an endless potpourri of hustle and hurry, a do this, no, do that, instead. I hardly and barely fathom the meaning of this life. It’s an endless array of prodigious forays, a nettling vexation of strife. And when a long day is over, after all of my pain, I go to bed tired, have lost all my fire then wake up and do it again. I want breakfast, lunch and dinner, and something between to do, then my life is fulfilled and I’ll be chubby and still in a plot just over from you.
29. Life is half pain and half pleasure (complaining and suffering are optional). If you can’t enjoy the pain, half your life will be sorrow.
30. Life was what it was; life is what it is; life will be what it will be. There is no value in regretting what was, regretting what is, or being anxious, worried or afraid about what isn’t (the future). Regret, anxiety, worry and fear are debilitating mental energies that vex the mind and make living a plague that kills joy, peace, happiness and your last bottle of vodka.
31. If you’re not at peace with what you have, you won’t be at peace with what you get.
32. If you want someone to love you for the emotionally explosive self-centered opinionated person you are, look in the yellow pages under “Unhappy People”, or go home where they may still love you for approximately three days.
33. If you’ve bought a new bicycle and still can’t get a date, try working harder to be even more successful.
34. What does an Independent-Self-Aware-Energy-Intelligence (infinitesimally and infinitely we are that) want to avoid more than anything else (even at the price of its very existence)? Tedium, boredom and bad hair days!
35. If the quest of life is not joy, peace, happiness and pleasure then perhaps it is sorrow, fear, sadness and pain (either will do during a boredom emergency).
36. Opportunity to learn and expand, to test oneself, adventure into the unknown, mystery, suspense, excitement, chance, fortune, luck, gamble, challenge, risk, hazard and danger, these are the spices-of-life that make life and existence worth living, and without them, no Independent-Self-Self-Aware-Energy-Intelligence would want to continue to live, unless there’s free chocolate.
37. What is YOUR purpose in life? If you don’t choose one you’ll fulfill it anyway but won’t realize it until you’re in diapers again in an old folks home wishing you would die before you fill it again.
38. What is THE purpose of life? There are over a thousand philosophical, metaphysical, New Age and theological choices each claiming to be the one and only true circus. You can choose any clown outfit that appeals to you.
39. If you want to enjoy life, go along to get along unless it’s wrong. How do you know something is wrong for you? It makes you feel bad. When you say, or don’t say, or do, or don’t do, something, and it makes you feel bad, that’s a sure sign you’re right–it’s wrong. In this you can rust your feelings. Everyone else pays cash.
40. The irrational, illogical and volatile zit-fit-nutty-side of human nature is legendary throughout the universe, and there is not a chance in this wacky world that man’s animal nature is going change while the earth’s nature is dog eat dog where’s the mustard.
41. There’s nothing wrong with getting irritated, upset, angry, violent or throwing a raging hissy-fit that a good heart-attack can’t cure in a micro-second.
42. Worry, fret and stress are signs you are a self-abusing control freak whose imagined fears could trigger the bullet you are trying to dodge.
43. If you order a Smoothie Chocolate Carmel Double Foam Shaved Iced Latte and get a Triple Onion Garlic Espresso instead, and you go insultingly ballistic and pop your cork and throw things, you obviously don’t like espressos. But even better, you’ve just exhibited and paraded your uncontrolled mind and emotions for everyone to see and laugh at (entertainment like that is priceless).
44. Everyday people prove that human intelligence is an oxymoron.
45. Life likes to mess with your expectations. It may deny you your needs, wants and cherished desires. If you set your heart unequivocally on getting something, beware, there’s a chance that your joy, peace and happiness will get sucker punched. When that happens, get up, brush yourself off and punch back harder. You never lose if you never quit (if you do quit, you can join Losers Anonymous and talk about it a lot).
46. Be good company. Be a positive. Don’t be a negative light in people’s lives? Be such an awesome person that people will miss you if you die. Don’t give people cause to torch your house in celebration of, “It couldn’t of happened to a nicer guy. Thank GOD he’s gone.”
47. If you WERE dead, would people’s lives be more joyful? Do family and friends run when they see you coming? When you enter a room does everyone have to go to the bathroom suddenly, and they never come back? If so, you have either become an unthankful, ungrateful never satisfied sourpuss complaining needy crybaby or a backstabbing prideful, vain, self-aggrandizing selfish narcissistic ego-maniac who thinks people were invented to serve and please you. If people run when they see you coming, it’s not a marathon, but you’re still not invited.
48. Some people have difficult lives, impossible lives (diseased, injured, disabled, handicapped, unjustly accused, condemned and imprisoned, while others live in horrific circumstances) and those folks have good reasons to complain (though most do not) and have reasons to accuse life of being unfair Be kind to everyone all the time even if it kills them.
49. Nature does what it does perfectly (per-effect–cause and effect). Humans are part of nature. They are not separate from nature. If a human pollutes a lake, that person is a uncaring human polluting a lake, and if a human kills and rapes, that’s a killing, raping human. There are naturally wild human-animals living among us, and what they do IS their nature and is part of nature. Most people control the worst part of their wild-animal-human-nature. BEWARE! There really are humans out to get you. Being a little paranoid is healthy. Getting dead...not so much
50. It’s all in your mind this game of life; it’s all in your head, worry and strife. That which is real and that which is true, is just a potpourri of your mental-stew. It’s all in your mind, deep in your head, the living and dying the pain and the dread. You think it; you are it, that’s what you be; creatively thinking reality. Consciousness playing with dark and with light, that’s what you are and that is your life.
51. You may think your thoughts stay in your head, but they don’t. Thoughts vibrate in you and around you and go out from you and they affect everything near you, especially your face. Thoughts are like a tuning fork. The best tunes are the ones that build instead of destroy; lift instead of cast down, encourage instead of depress. Thoughts fuel and ignite feelings and emotions. And if you think in pictures (if you use your imagination during sex) don’t tell your partner. It will make him or her feel bad .
52. I had my heart set on it. My mind said this way must be. Then faster than an eagle life took it away from me. I learned by my experiences, gained understanding to know, life will break the strongest heart of a mind that is set in stone. I now put my heart into it, but on it my heart’s not set, and my mind like the eagle soars free and without regret.
53. If you accept life for what it is and don’t complain about what it isn’t, people will think you’re not human. Consider it a compliment.
54. If you don’t like the government screwing with you, you might not have a sense of humor.
55. If you think your life should be a never ending snack bar of fun you’re either two years old or your thinker needs fixin’.
56. Thinking makes real and thinking makes you, you think it, you feel it, then you do. You take what is and give it a name; you judge what is with a biased brain. It’s virtuous or vile; it’s good or it’s bad, perhaps your beliefs are driving you mad. Your angst, your fear, your pain and dread, surely you know it’s all in your head. Life is just life, unless you believe, it is what it ain’t and then you’re deceived. The pain you inflict by judging another is why you’re unloved except by your mother.
57. Belief and faith are motivators. They prompt you to get off the couch and do something. Consider not shutting yourself off from what may be possible. Believe all things but only holding fast to that which proves true. Use hope, belief, faith and feelings to test things. That is their function. They are not replacements for truth but tools to obtain truth. Just because you believe or have faith in something doesn’t mean it’s true. When someone asks you if you believe or have faith in something, just say you’re considering it, or be even more accurate and just say, “I don’t know.” Try not to confuse belief and faith with knowing something. When you know something, belief and faith have an end concerning that something. You either know a thing or you do not know a thing. Belief and faith cause people to move mountains. That’s why bulldozers where invented.
58. No one arrives at a destination on a road he did not travel. Where you are today, you traveled the road that took you there. Rich or poor, powerful or powerless, famous or infamous, educated or ignorant, at peace with life or at war, your thoughts were the road map that took you there. In the past you may not have been aware of your destination, but today, you watch the signs–your thoughts–faithfully, as if your life depended on them, which it does. There is no doubt that your thoughts took you to where you are today, and they will take you to where you will be tomorrow. Be the watcher of your thoughts. Be the guardian at the gate of your mind.
59. Humans relationships are simply complex. You get what you give, no more and no less.
60. Do unto others as you want done unto you is a practical rule that most often proves true.
61. If you’re selfish and mean, a creep in disguise, may the pain that you suffer open your eyes.
62. If you’re kind and living, a saint in the flesh, the joy that you give is the joy that you get.
63. Humans are crybabies. Crybabies litter the landscape like soiled underwear and you can’t go anywhere without stepping in one, and since I can’t do the crybaby-hop anymore (and hunting them is still illegal) warning you about them is the best I can do.
64. There are a lot of folks who think everything is a crisis and complain, bellyache, whine and rage through life, and are, for all intents and purposes, professional crybabies who can’t seem to come to grips with the reality that life will not cater to their every fancied need, want and desire, when in fact, compared to many people, they have good lives, great lives, even awesome lives, better lives than the kings and queens of old and better lives than 97 percent of people on the planet today. Avoid these crazy crybabies at all costs. Don’t be a professional crybaby. Do it for free.
65. You will meet people who turn mean and ugly when they don’t get their way or get what they want. You will work with people who get irritated, upset, angry or violent when life doesn’t meet their expectations. You may even marry a person who turns sour and venomous when vexing things happen to him or her. And you may birth and raise little humans who are never satisfied, who cry, moan and complain and never grow-up. These people are the world’s leading cause of birth-control, divorce, single’s lifestyle, and hermits.
66. If you are not a crybaby you are worth a million Prozacs, and if you are one, please take them.
67. You might be a crybaby if your attitude is graveyard depressed and you think life is a smelly dumpster in a greasy alley and you wear a funeral halo and have a decomposing aura. If that is you, then not only is it not fun being you, it’s not fun being near you or doing anything with you. If you were for sale the only offer you will get is from a hospital seeking diseased organs to examine the affects a bad attitude has on a crybaby body.
68. You might be a crybaby if when you donate your body to science they reject it because it’s dehydrated from a life of crying.
69. A crybaby is like a yo-yo. One moment it’s up, the next it’s down. Yo-Yos hate experiences that do not fulfill their physical, mental, emotional or spiritual needs, wants and desires, and they get angry during experiences that do not validate their beliefs, values, opinions and expectations, which means, planet earth is screwed.
70. You might be a a crybaby if you let your thoughts free-range and feed off your unbridled needs, wants and desires, and you will stay that way until you decide to bridle your self-centered, vain, prideful and egotistical appetites by controlling the thoughts that make you an obnoxious jerk.
71. The most common and unpalatable nut in the nut bowl of life is the crybaby nut who thinks complaining is the pathway to happiness, eternal life and the best way to make friends.
72. A crybaby requires a never ending supply of pacifiers to be happy and if it doesn’t get them it will have a toxic emotional meltdown and poison everyone who couldn’t find the door fast enough.
73. If you are a crybaby and at the astronomical chance you want to stop moaning and groaning when not having sex, I do not have the cure, but I know the cause. However, knowing the cause doesn’t help, but doctors believe they may actually have a cure for crybabies, but it’s only been tested on humans and is not yet approved for mice.
74. If there were fewer crybabies trolling social events (to see who they can feed off) I might go again. When I used to go (and when they started sniveling and complaining) I’d say, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?”
75. Most people who live with a crybaby have mastered the ability to walk on eggs. These crazy people who endure such torture have good reasons for it, which is lucky for crybabies who would otherwise be instant omelets.
76. Being a crybaby is not as bad as being an emotional-drama-pimp. However, if there are energy-vampires, crybabies get more suck per mile than any other suckers.
77. Crybabies have firecrackers for brains and everyone they meet carries a lit match, and if you cross them they will ignite and explode in a New York minute–which is about 3 seconds. When that happens I say, “Please excuse me if I don’t hang around for the show. I have to go throw myself on a cactus.”
78. Most people would rather watch reruns of reruns of bad sequels than face the wrath of a crybaby who didn’t get what it wanted.
79. There are as many varieties of crybabies as there are broken pacifiers, broken homes and destroyed lives, though extreme crybabies don’t notice until they wake up in an old folks home wondering why no one visits them.
80. Sneaky Crybabies are like Halloween ticker-treaters pretending to be who they are not. It isn’t until after they are in a relationship that they take off their masks and you discover you’ve been tricked and you’re the treat (I have no issues with rattle snakes because unlike crybabies they usually warn you before they strike).
81. Whiny Crybabies spray and pollute a room worse than skunk-stink. Whiners dish out disharmony when they pout and mope and sulk. They lack appreciation and are so self-centered they think humans were invented to serve them.
82. Complaining, Fault-finding, Negative Crybabies judge and condemn. They walk and talk unfiltered gloom and doom and are mean-spirited just for the miserable fun they can have. If it’s your misfortune to run into one (and you will) hopefully your car wasn’t hurt; you won’t be as lucky.
83. Mean Crybabies are cruel and brutally shrewd. They build themselves up by mentally, emotionally and physically pulling and pushing and tearing you down. They are the dinky dicked bullies on the playground of life.
84. Con Artist Crybabies lack empathy and use their minds, emotions and bodies to manipulate, trick, scam, bamboozle, deceive, lie and steal. They can’t understand why the people they’ve bamboozled don’t appreciate their free screwing.
85. The most common sound of the crybaby species in the wild is, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR!”
86. When a baby is born it gets spanked and cries. Adult crybabies never got over it. They just keep on crying & get louder and more obnoxious
87. Crybabies tend to be illogical, unreasonable and disconnected from reality, and those are their good points.
88. There are real crybabies and fake crybabies. Real crybabies come with bad-baggage. They arrive here–genetically sired–prideful, arrogant, self-important, overbearing, insulting, abusive, vain, conceited, in love with themselves too much, egotistical, narcissistic, begrudging, resentful, envious, jealous and greedy (other than that they are jerks).
89. Homegrown crybabies are not nearly as bad as birthed crybabies. Homegrown crybabies were programmed to fear life. They think life is trying to hurt them and kill them (which it is) thus they are jumpy, nervous, uptight, stressed-out, high-strung and extremely volatile and live on the edge of an always deteriorating cliff that people would push them off if they could get away with it.
90. If you think life should be painless and people should love you and coddle you in spite of your whining, you might be mentally and emotionally constipated. People put up with a crybaby like they put up with an enema–only when they might explode.
91. Crybabies destroy families, friendships and careers, and then, after destroying their lives, they join Crybaby Anonymous because only other crybabies will suffer their childish, juvenile and destructive behavior (and that’s only when they bring punch and cookies and leave early).
92. You can tell you’re in the presence of a crybaby when you hear their mantra, “Hey...I’m here. Let’s talk about me, about my life. I have needs, wants and desires that need your attention, and I didn’t come here to hear you babble about your life.”
93. The U.S.A. is the Crybaby Capital of the World. I accept the reality that on our worst days we are all crybabies and yet most of us realize we have to try and deal with each other nicely, or use the only option that always works–murder, which, historically, humans are really good at. However, I prefer a smile, a laugh and a mighty chuckle and admit that life is nuts, we’re all nuts and, “Thank you God for death”, even though it may only be a temporary (but we can always hope).
94. Why are humans crybabies? Your parents programmed you to be one. Immediately after your birth your parents responded to your cries, and during the torturous process said, “Remind me why we had this kid,” and then they inadvertently programmed you to be forever-after a crybaby by catering to alleviate your every discomfort, and then, under penalty of law they were forced endure and suffer you until their glorious release when you turned eighteen.
95. When you were a baby you screamed when you got physically uncomfortable and someone cared for you so you’d be comfortable and shut-up. As a child you cried when you got emotionally uncomfortable and someone indulged you so you’d be satisfied and shut-up. As a youth you belly-ached when you got mentally uncomfortable and someone counseled you so you’d feel gratified and shut-up. As a teenager you complained when you got spiritually uncomfortable and someone guided you so you’d feel at peace and shut-up. And now as an adult you cry, scream, belly-ache and complain when life doesn’t cater to your every need, want and desire and everyone wishes you’d shut-up.
96. Life doesn’t care if you cry, scream, belly-ache, complain or go nuts. Life is neutral; life is impersonal; life is unbiased and life doesn’t care what you think it IS, or what you think it should be. If you are still a programmed-crybaby it is because your conditioning, indoctrination and brainwashing from youth is working and it can be summed up in this: Most people will not depart from their childhood programming. Which means, if you do not remove your program of unrealistic and irrational expectations of what life should be and reprogram yourself to accept life for what it actually is, you will not only be miserable most of your life but you will exit life the way you entered, a crybaby.
97. Humans take great pride in their accomplishments, but in truth, you did not design yourself. You were born with physical, mental, emotional and character attributes–you arrived with a program. You did not give yourself your stature, looks, sex, health, intelligence, personality, emotions, attitude, determination, tenacity, willpower, talents, strengths and weaknesses. And now, if by chance, you are a strutting cocky peacock about your awesomeness (while putting-down others) you’re definitely a self-centered moron. In addition, you also did not determine your birth circumstances, not the time, the place, the family, the religion, the culture and the society you were nurtured and raised within, so.... again, in truth, your pride is misplaced, your vanity is a mental illness and your egotistical moronic chest thumping is a special kind of stupid.
98. All humans get programmed. When you were a young child you were trained by your parents, siblings and relatives–you were conditioned. During childhood you were taught to accept certain ideas, concepts and beliefs–you were indoctrinated. In your youth you were disciplined to accept your culture’s and societal norms and standards–you were brainwashed. And now as an adult you filter and skew life’s realities through a mind not of your own making. Your mind was captured. You are a product of your times, an issue driven, drama intense, pain-filled thinker that lives through your programming. If you think clearly at all, you are the exception, not the rule, because almost everyone lives by the rules–THEIR INSANE PROGRAMMING.
99. You were infected with a mental virus from birth by people who downloaded their beliefs and perspectives programs into you without your permission, and unless you have confirmed, denied, altered or replaced them, you are running your life with other people’s programs. If you haven’t examined your programs then many of your perspectives, viewpoints, opinions, judgements and beliefs, and how you view the world and life and your attitude towards people, place and things, are implants. Many of the implants are from people who love you, but were themselves nuts.
100. The media, government, school, church and your crazy next door neighbor were instrumental in programming you to be an obedient citizen. They did such a good job getting you to accept their reality that you will take a pill to get rid of a pimple knowing that the side-effects might blow up another country.
101. 100% of all humans were raised in a weird society and culture, but you’ll never know how weird until you escape yours. Whatever your culture and society valued, you had to go along with. Trying to dump society's programming is like passing gas in an elevator–it’s dangerous because no one likes it quite as much as you.
102. Depending on how nuts your family was, the odds are, you’re just as nuts. Whatever values your family valued were your values when you were too young to beat them up, and those values are difficult to throw in the dumpster and forget. They are the ghosts of family-past that will haunt you forever throughout all eternity plus two weeks (make sure you thank your parents. They didn’t mean to do it. They too had their brains washed in a septic tank of delusion). Welcome to the world of nuts.
103. Is it fun being you? Is it fun being with you? It is if you are cheerful, playful, light-hearted, easy going, positive, carefree, enthusiastic, happy, at peace and joyful. It isn’t fun being you if you are depressed, down in the dumps, concerned, sorrowful, negative, complain, find fault, pessimistic and a jerk.
104. If you were for sale would anyone buy you? How much would you pay for you?
105. FOR SALE: $1.00 If the people who know you could sell you, is a dollar too extravagant of a price? (He pouts; she sulks; he mopes and she boobs and then he gets irritated, upset, angry or violent when things don’t go her way. He is mean, prideful, egotistical, self-centered, vain, selfish, greedy, demanding, miserable, uncaring, unappreciative, arrogant, unthankful, quarrelsome, depressed, a complainer, seldom satisfied, difficult to please, stressed, needy and a can’t be trusted backstabbing whiny uptight bundle of fun to be around when asleep, in a coma or dead (talk about high maintenance).
106. FOR SALE: PRICELESS. If the people who know you could sell you, is priceless too low of a price? (He smiles; she laughs; he grins and she jokes and he never gets irritated, upset, angry or violent when things don’t go her way. He is kind, caring, helpful, cheerful, generous, charitable, at peace, enthusiastic, upbeat, positive, pleasant, fun to be around, easygoing, undemanding, congenial, thankful, appreciative and lives on the bright-side of life (most crybabies want to kill people like that).
107. Always keep in mind that the earth will never satisfy your every desire; never fulfill your every want; never meet your every need; never grant your every wish; never match your every expectation; never agree with your every thought; never submit to your every opinion and never bow to your every judgement, but it will take you unawares, attack you and spit you out on the razor edge of your fears. Though people may plan, work and accomplish many wonderful things, earth’s nature and the nature of some people always try to destroy what others have created. The earth is a beautiful and a marvelous resource and people are often noble and self-sacrificing, yet in an instant the earth can turn violent and take back its resources and men can turn vicious and descend into greed. Thus by nature’s storms and the selfish nature in some men, the world is bathed in blood and tears.
108. Earth life is a struggle for survival in a world where nothing comes easy and all things have a price. Between birth and death you experience disease, accidents, violence and loss. Your actions and the actions of others create conundrums that complicate your days and vex your nights. From rising to setting sun each day is commotion, turmoil and uncertainty. You hope, desire and plan, but in a sudden turn of events your hopes may be crushed, your desires may go unfulfilled and your plans may be ruined. As your world disintegrates around you, you realize that many things in life are beyond your control. If the truth were known, you spend many of your days in sorrow even as you hope your future will be endless joy. Yet as time passes you learn that life is a seething cauldron of perplexities, an overflowing crucible of endless troubles and that change is the only constant.
109. Humans scheme, deceive, cheat, lie, steal, burglarize, rob, abuse, assault, fight, enslave, imprison, torture, rape, kill, murder and make love to assure there will be enough people to make war.
110. From the moment you are born the world challenges you to a physical, mental and emotional war. The question is, are young to take up the challenge or be a crybaby all your life?
111. Life is pain. Stuff happens. People do things. Get used to it. Either you look at life as an adventure and rise to the challenge or become an mindless brain-dead zoned-out couch potato topped with sour cream living a sour life and blaming everyone for your sour disposition.
112. Every experience you have only has the energy you bring to it and put into it, and when you have experiences you dislike or hate, your attitude determines what else you create. Don’t awaken your Ogre. You won’t like the consequences. And if it’s too late, there’s a way to kill it.
113. If you think your “normal” ego is trouble, wait until you meet your Ogre. He’s in there. He’s bad. And he eats his prisoners. Don’t wake him. DON’T BE AN OGRE. An Ogre is a human ego gone mad. The human ego can turn Ogre faster than a sugar Twinkie high.
114. In mythology ogres are disgusting, cruel and monstrous fiends. In real life, an ego turned ogre, exploits and brutalizes its victims. Ogres are slaves to their needs, wants and desires. They are seldom satisfied. They are seldom at peace, are implacable, always on the hunt, merciless and bloody. They get easily offended, irritated, upset, angry and violent when they don’t get their way or don’t get what they want. Sounds human doesn’t it? It sounds human because it is human. Man’s base nature is a crabby self-destructive ogre. It is the ego-ogre that gets programmed, conditioned, indoctrinated and brain-washed from youth. An ogre is the enemy of your peace. An ogre is the one that commits suicide. An ogre wages war because it is at war with itself. An ogre is an empty container, an empty vessel that needs to be filled constantly, usually at the expense of someone else. An ogre can never fill its own emptiness. An ogre is egotistical and has a puffed-up opinion of himself. An ogre’s thoughts are selfishly-self-centered. Its thoughts are based in pride, vanity and greed. Ogres are egos gone mad. To some degree they are the insanity that is in all men, but only in two women at last count (the poll was conducted by women).
115. Your battle for sanity is between you and your ogre. An ogre changes by suffering the consequences of its thoughts and actions. It learns to think better thoughts and thereby gets happier results.
116. If you are not happy with much of your life or life in general, it’s very likely your ego-ogre-mind “hates” you, which is self-evident if your mind feeds you thoughts that are the enemy of your joy, peace and happiness.
117. You are NOT your mind. Your mind is NOT you. Your mind IS a tool. DON’T BE ITS FOOL.
118. The demanding voice you hear in your head is coming from your untrained mind-brain (whether its own thoughts or thoughts it picked up or thoughts projected to it). Your mind is a “separate entity” living inside you, and, the real you has to deal with it. Your mind was given a name at birth. It is the name you answer to, but the mind is NOT the real you. Your mind only knows what it has learned. Your mind’s job is to follow its program. Your mind is only at peace and happy when working to achieve its programmed objectives and goals. Your mind has an appetite. Your mind seeks to please itself. Your mind always wants more. Your mind loves to rule you. Your mind is demanding. Your mind uses you to satisfy ITSELF. Your mind does not like you when you go against its wishes. Your mind is like an unruly child. Your mind wants what it wants and it will make you miserable if it doesn’t get what it wants NOW! Your mind gets irritated, upset, angry and violent when you challenge or oppose it. Your mind only cares about YOU as long as you are its faithful servant. Your mind is egotistical, self-centered, selfish, vain, prideful and arrogant. Your mind is sneaky, conniving, scheming, a con artist, deceptive and a liar. Your mind has a temper and it throws fits and makes scenes to get its way. Your mind broods, frets, worries, gets concerned, anxious, apprehensive, nervous, afraid and has regrets. Your mind sulks, pouts, mopes, stews, brews, whimpers, weeps, cries, balls, howls, shouts, yells, screams and shrieks. Your mind is THE CRYBABY and if you have NOT trained it YOU are most certainly its lackey, junkie and goffer. HOWEVER, if you have trained your mind, it is YOUR SERVANT AND BEST FRIEND until it gets Alzheimer and Dementia and then you and your mind are screwed.
119. If you want to get even with, or torture your vampire-ogre-mind or discover its dark nature deny it a cherished need, want or desire. Try not eating for ten days. It will rise to the challenge. At first it will dismiss your idea, hoping you’re not serious. If it thinks you are serious, it will denounce your efforts and point out all the reasons why that’s a bad idea. If you persist, it will plead with you, and if that doesn’t work, it will call you names seldom heard at a sailor’s convention. If you still persist, it will get serious, and that’s when all hell breaks lose and you’ll discover what a delightful devil it can be and just exactly whose boss. It’s an exciting ride on the wild side. Give it a shot. “Lock & Load!”
120. Beware of the vampire-ego-ogre mind and its many voices. Especially the voice that tells you it’s OK to go on a beer diet as long as you drink and smoke while practicing road-rage.
121. Men are free to choose their thoughts, but never are men free to choose the consequences.
122. The law of though is an immutable and unchangeable law: thoughts create in kind.
123. Your mind sucks. It will bleed you dry and leave you at a buzzard picnic. An energy-vampire-mind will kill you and never complain about its own suicide. A vampire mind is an untrained mind that lives in the darkness of its unrestrained desires and it loves to bite the hands that feeds it–your hand–and drain your life force.
124. Your untrained mind is your master and you are its slave. Humans hate to submit to a dictator or slave-master or an insane boss, but, for some ludicrous reason (only understood by a drunk circus clown) if it is your mind who is your boss and orders you around, you submit like a paid flunky. You jump to obey its demands, thrilled just to satisfy its every need, want and desire as if you are its Three Wish Genie. An uncontrolled mind is a vampire-mind sucking your peace and happiness by treating you as its, stooge, toy, janitor and all around loser, and if you let it treat you like that your life will absolutely be worse than living with your dead composting mother-in-law.
125. Don’t let your mind play you like a ping-pong ball. Take charge. Be the paddle.
126. Everything was going fine. Life was good for Jack, and then in an instant his world crashed, burned, exploded and disappeared in a vapor of black smoke because he went berserk. Days later when he thought about what he had done, Jack realized that it wasn’t by chance. He had reacted without thinking. He knew that his response was the fruit of the thoughts he had been thinking most of his life (there are no details in this story because the details vary from person to person, but the results are the same, lives turned upside down or destroyed). This could happen to you....may have already happened to you. Raging or going berserk never resolves problems in your favor. Whether it’s a minor situation or a monster event, your reaction during them and during times of actual disasters may determine whether you leave this nut house or stay (now that I think about it, a quick exit might not be so bad).
127. It is the little things that bug little people. Most people handle big natural disasters quite well, on-the-other hand, little things, daily little things, like relationships, these challenge most people to their limits. And what hurts a relationship most is what people say or don’t say and how they react and respond to each other: Letting your mind lose its peace, its cool; get its panties in a bind, get it feathers ruffled; stress out; go ballistic and flip-out creates deadly blow back that results in broken hearts, mental, emotional and physical problems and destroys lives more than any disasters except marriage.
128. If there was a way to be in charge of your life without being in charge of your mind and its thoughts, government scientists would have discovered it by now and it would be taxed or against the law.
129. To be the master of your thoughts and create the life you want you must be the guardian at the gate of your mind. You must monitor your thoughts each moment you are awake and replace debilitating, destructive, judgmental and pessimistic thoughts with enabling, constructive, loving and optimistic thoughts until they close the casket on your avatar.
130. There are many things in life you cannot control. Your thoughts are not one of them.
131. You already know you can’t change what was or was is, but you can help determine what will be. Once something has happened, you can’t change it, and if you refuse to accept what is, your misery is assured.
132. Until you stop crying about what your life isn’t and starting enjoying what your life is you will be miserable every time life doesn’t go your way.
133. There are thoughts worth thinking and thoughts worth dumping. Use the dumpster when appropriate.
134. It’s not the thoughts that run through your mind that create problems. It’s the thoughts you empower by entertaining, playing and toying with that cause your problems.
135. Some people challenge themselves with formal education, business, politics, sports or conquering a neighborhood or country, but there is no greater challenge than to conquer yourself, conquer your mind, and there are no greater reward or benefits.
136. If your thoughts are not the master of your fate, and you the master of your thoughts, who or what is?
137. When people tell you they have problems they are not talking about the real world (though that’s what they think). What they are talking about is their inner-world of thoughts. With their thoughts they have labeled what is going on in the real world as difficulties, hardships and problems. and, having so labeled them with their thinking, what they think, is now true, from them only. Whatever label you give to your experiences is your reality (this truth is evident when two people have the same experience but place different labels on them. One person calls his experiences adventures and opportunities and enjoys them while another person labels his experiences as troubles and problems, and is miserable. When you stop looking at your experiences and circumstances as problems and view them as adventures, your life will change instantly.
138. A plane carrying two guys crashes on a snow-topped hill. To their surprise they are alive ‘cause neither got too killed. One takes a broken wing and skis a most awesome drift. Two gets mad, not at all glad, enraged he falls off a cliff (perspective is everything).
139. Brother and sister going to visit their dying pop. Their car breaks down, makes a loud sound, comes to a grumbling stop. The car gets fixed and purring, but at hospital too late. Sister depressed, failed-heart is the guess, exits to the pearly gates (stress kills).
140. I relive my nightmares and regret my every fling. Dumb thing to do, just makes me blue, ‘cause it don’t change a thing. Yes life is a potpourri, mixture of pleasure and pain. Pity and regret double the stress, cause mind and body to strain (thoughts affect health).
141. I once had a lot of friends, family that loved me too. But I complain about my pain, they avoid me ’cause I do. I get upset and angry and irritable as well. Argue a lot, fight on the spot, my life is a living hell (thoughts and their actions affect relationships).
142. I used to be good looking, but I prematurely aged. These old age spots are awful thoughts, I think I am their slave. And now a final thought before I go away: life is real grand or a migraine head-slam, because I think it’s that way (perspective and attitude is everything).
143. A WILD VACATION SPOT: Imagine you live on a world where there is only harmony and peace, a world without risk, disease, injury and death, a world where everyone gets along, no vanity, conceit, pride or greed and no mean people. Imagine everything that you need is provided instantly, at a thought, and as a result you sometimes get bored, and so you pop-into The Universe Travel Agency. You see and read a poster: “DEATH WORLD. TO ESCAPE YOU HAVE TO DIE. THE EARTH ADVENTURE. IT’S HOSTILE AND VIOLENT. THE ULTIMATE PAIN AND PLEASURE EXPERIENCE (you need mental counseling to go). DISCLAIMER: You have to promise not to sue anyone when you get back.” Having read the sign, you sign-up and enter the Send Off Room and are told, “WELCOME TO EARTH–THE WILD WEST OF THE UNIVERSE. You are here. I hope you enjoy your adventure. And just because you paid to come here doesn’t mean you won’t pay dearly while here. Earth-life is tough. You shouldn’t have come if you’re a crybaby, but since you are here, get over it, because you’re stuck here until your dead, so you might as well have a good attitude about it.”
144. The only benefit complaining has is to reduce your happiness to the level of an rock someone just took a dump on. Complaining is a disease and the only known cure is a spanking which too many people enjoy nowadays.
145. If you complain you are insane. Complaining doesn’t make sense. It’s illogical, irrational, unreasonable and a waste of time because it doesn’t accomplish anything except to raise your blood pressure and kill your next door neighbors which is a benefit if you don’t like them. Complaining has physical, metal, emotional and spiritual benefits people are still hunting for. Complaining fouls the air around you and is unpalatable. Complainers have lots of friends who never visit them. Complaining and misery live in the same house, and it’s a hell house– living death. Complaining is entertainment for some people and the ticket will cost them all of their happiness.
146. Gripping, bellyaching, squawking and bitching about something that happened in the past (you were born) is happening (you’re slowly molding) or will definitely happen (if you live too long you’ll be in diapers again) is loony, loopy and nuts. What value does it have? And if you complain about what might happen, you are certifiably nuts and will be youtube sensation.
147. Instead of complaining, accept your reality in the moment: If you’re sick, you’re sick. If you lost your job, you lost your job. If you can’t pay your bills, you can’t pay your bills, and if you’re balding, get a toupee. Learn from your experiences and work to have better experiences but quit boobing about it. No one likes boobs except babies (OK...that may not be true).
148. When you stop whimpering, sniveling and blubbering, people will like you again. Your family will enjoy being around you again. You will glow with positive energy and your health will improve and you may like you again when you're asleep.
149. If you refuse to accept life for what it is, and instead complain about what it isn’t, your reward is pain. Stop expecting life to be what it isn’t. If you don’t stop, life will kick your butt over and over and over again until it finally kicks your butt into a premature grave that even the worms won’t visit because you're pure poison.
150. If you desire to be at peace and enjoy all that is life, how will that desire be fulfilled when you think life sucks because it doesn’t go your way (and most of life will definitely go some other way...which is why you complaining about it pisses those people off).
151. You will be on earth about eighty years, that’s all. Just eighty years and it’s over, and it won’t be long before you’re a memory, an unpleasant memory, and thereafter, a forgotten memory, like you never existed. Try not to be a a sucky memory, try not to be remembered as the world’s most accomplished complainer.
152. It is NOT complaining when you point out problems that need solutions or give constructive criticism–however, it is complaining if you do it to demean, ridicule, embarrass or foul the air around you to attract flies to your dying dead life so you won't be too lonely.
153. If you are suffering it’s because your thoughts are at odds with what is happening which is like rolling snake-eyes in the mental crap game of life.
154. If you fight life and the world and kick against the pricks, you will get hurt, lose, and pay a price. The price is your joy, peace and happiness. The price is your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Don’t be a prick kicker.
155. What you think is true, has great power over you, and belief as well, can make your life a living hell, or heaven on earth, depending upon your mirth. Your thoughts and beliefs feed your joy or your grief.
156. I’d like to introduce you to Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo. This is what they think: “All we need to be happy is to get everything we want and nothing we don’t want. We want to look perfect and be perfectly healthy. We never want to have an accident and never feel pain. We never want to be bored. We want exciting experiences. We want to be at peace. We want someone to love and someone to love us. We want friends that are supportive. We want respect and freedom and we want to do worthwhile things. We just want the perfect life, and then, and only then, will we be happy. So yes, we want to be born into a loving family, a free country, to never get sick, to have high intelligence, impeccable common sense, world-class talents, movie-star looks, bags full of money, to never be in danger and to never have to deal with mean people. All we need to be happy is to never be denied our every need, want and desire. Certainly that not too much to ask of life.”
157. Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo had five complaints they shared with me, and wanted to know what I thought (big mistake).
Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo said, “We shouldn’t have done that.”
I said, “But you did and it’s in the past. Learn from it; deal with it’ get over it.”
Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo said, “It’s life’s fault that our lives are screwed-up.”
I said, “No, it’s not! It’s your fault. Life is what it is, day in, day out. Stuff happens. People do things. That’s life. If you think your life is screwed-up, think again. It’s your screwed-up thinking that is screwing-up your life. Quit blaming other people. You have to deal with life the way it is, no matter what it is...so deal with it and get over it and move on.”
Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo said, “That’s not what we wanted.”
I said, “Oooh...you wanted something different. Well guess what, it isn’t different. It is what it is and no one cares what you wanted or what you thought it should be. The only time life gives you what you want is when you want what life gives you.”
Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo said, “Nobody likes us. Nobody helps us. We are suffering and nobody cares.”
I said, “If you’re gonna whine, serve cheese. Stop depending on others. Rely on yourself. If there are no solutions to the things you think are problems, stop thinking of them as problems and think of them as adventures. Accept what IS. Sometimes you actually have to eat what you cooked or what someone else cooked-up for you. And if you’re stuck in the kitchen, do the dishes, and while scrubbing the pots and pans try not to think ‘poor me’ thoughts. The only place they are rewarded is at the ‘Poor Me Oscars’. Try not to get nominated.”
Mr. & Mrs. Boohoo said, “We don’t know what we’re going to do. We are probably going to lose our jobs, our house, our kids and our pet kangaroo.”
I said, “Living in the future complicates the present. If those things happen you will be without your jobs, house, kids and pet kangaroo. Deal with it. By now you should know that the only real freedom you have in life is the ability to choose your thoughts; choose what to think; choose how to look at life; choose your mind-set; choose your point-of-view; choose your attitude. You know you have that power. Try using it wisely, ‘cause you’re driving me nuts.”
158. If I am blue, boohoo or sad and can’t seem to find my glad, I name again my blessings sure and then I am woeful no more. It’s my thought not my circumstance that causes me to slouch or dance. I am aware, compare my place in the life of the human race, and realize I could be off worse if I were molding in a hearse.
159. In the infinitely unlikely chance that you’re not too nuts, there is a way to enjoy all that is life. And, as simple as it sounds, the cause of your unhappiness is also the cure. Thoughts are the cause and thoughts are the cure. Thoughts cause misery or cause happiness.
160. You can cure your unhappy mind. You can take charge. You can be the boss. All you need to do is cut off its nuts, which means you quit being the nut that feeds it and submits to its thoughts. Quit playing victim to its nutty agenda that makes you so happy being miserable. Control your mind.
161. Don’t think thoughts that get you upset or make you angry.
162. If your misery makes you happy there’s nothing wrong with you, so you’re good to go. If complaining is your joy, go for it. If discord and strife is your peace, strive on. If you think life should be a miserable experience, be its guest (and may your consequences rest easy on you in the nut orchard).
163. Your mind can only entertain one thought at a time. So the key to your peace (when something happens that frustrates you) is to replace a, “Life sucks!” thought with, “Yeah, I know, my leg fell off; so does this peg-leg make me look fat?” Of course you don’t have to be at peace with your new one-legged reality. Instead you can turn your life into a complaining, sulking, depressing whine-fest, and if you get good at it you can make everyone around you miserable too.
164. Every time your mind thinks a thought that might stir your fire and cause you to become irritated, upset, angry, violent, stressed, worried, afraid or depressed, immediately replace it with thoughts that promote your peace, joy and happiness.
165. The reason you act the way you act is because you think the way you think. If you don’t like the way you act, stop thinking the way you think. When you have thoughts that make you angry, stop thinking them and be still, or start thinking thoughts that don’t make you angry.
166. “THANK YOU VERY MUCH” is the thought I think when something happens or when I did something that challenges my peace and serenity. Sometimes I preface my “Thank you very much,” with, “Holy Shit").
167. Knowing a thing is not the same as doing a thing. To take charge of your life you must take charge of your mind which takes practice, takes repetition, but if you really want to enjoy life more, you will keep practicing. You will not give up. You will keep practicing until you conquer your mind, until you are the jealous watcher and gatekeeper of your mind and its thoughts and the master of your life.
168. You know life will not cater to your every need, want and desire, nor fulfill your every wish. The question is, why get angry or depressed when you don’t get what you want? (It doesn’t do any good and doesn’t serve you). Why will you not accept reality? Why MUST life go your way for you to be happy? Logic and reason say, work to make your life the best and expect the best, but be at peace with the rest, be at peace if your expectations go South and you wanted to go North. And, put your heart into it, but don’t set your heart on it, because....if it doesn’t work out, you’ll just break your heart. Most people don’t want to get sick, but they do, and most people don’t want to die, but they do, and to kick against the pricks of reality, to kick against things that cannot be changed, is nuts. You don’t expect a monkey to be anything but a monkey, that would be insane, and you don’t expect a deer to act like a gopher, that would be crazy, yet, if you expect life to be anything but what it is at any given moment, that’s kinda crazy and insane and nuts too, for life will always be exactly what it is, and people will always be who they are and do what they do, and if you’re not good with that, you are human, and you already know what that means–you’re nuts.
169. You may be fooling yourself into thinking that you are in control of your mind and are using it successfully to pursue happiness, but you don’t realize that when you are unhappy it is caused by the very mind that you think you control. Your unhappiness is proof that you really don’t know what’s going on inside your own head. If you are not in charge of your mind and its thoughts, who is?
170. Your thoughts help make you and reveal you. If you don’t like what you’ve made or what they reveal, change your thoughts.
171. What I thought is what I got and what I got I thought. Wise am I if I don’t blame an outside cause that’s not.
172. THE MIRACLE CURE: Are you an anguished and troubled soul with worry, fear and dread? And though among the living you breathe do you walk as if you were dead? Do your shoulders droop and hands hang down? Is mournful your very best smile? And though your health is ever as good, is your heart overflowing with bile? Are you inclined to pity yourself? Is your pillow soaked in tears? Would you even have a life without your misery and fears? The MIRACLE CURE is what you need; with it you’ll no longer whine. It will cure your woe am I looks caused by your woe am I mind. If perchance in your pain you should ask, “This cure sounds really great; what must I do to profit from it before it is too late?” My answer firm, if you please is this (though you may not feel to do) smile and say a kind word to someone who’s mournful as you. Give of yourself and do a kind deed (a secret gift will do) and give among the needy poor to they who are blessed less than you. And then like sunshine warms a cold day, you will feel in your heart and soul, a glowing light that makes the dark bright and takes away your woes.
173. How many tears must you cry before you learn that happiness is internal, not external? If you want life to make you happy you will be wanting and waiting forever. Happiness is an inside job, and The Thoughts You Think will determine whether you are at peace and happy or at war and miserable, which is why happiness is an inside job.
174. If I have thoughts I do not like I tell them to take a hike. I think thoughts that inspire, avoid the ones that stir my fire. Mean thoughts create mean words, better that they’re never heard. Some thoughts can me mad; I don’t think them, makes me glad. I think thoughts that make me smile, keep them in my mental file. If kind and loving thoughts I do, I’m always happy, never blue. I live life the way I think, in peaceful joyful wonderment.
175. When it’s a done deal when it’s a fact and I can’t undo it because that’s that, I have two choices: I can resist that which I can’t change, get upset and angry condemn and caste blame, or, I can surrender in that moment in time and cope with it clearly with presence of mind.
176. Each human path has twists and turns, potholes and bogs. Should our paths cross I will be gentle, kind and loving so that I will not be a pothole in your path.
177. I live life on the edge of wonderment, not in the depths of despair. I live life enthusiastically. I live on the bright side of life. I refuse to be care-filled, pessimistic, gloomy, despondent or depressed. Stuff happens. People do things. That’s life. I can’t control everything, but I can control my thoughts. I can choose my attitude, and I choose to be optimistic about life.
178. There are no mistakes in life, and if you think there are, that’s no mistake. Judging life is like a blind man taking pride in what he doesn’t see.
179. You can’t know up if you haven’t been down, and you don’t know square if there’s no round, surely you know this is true. You know pleasure because you know pain, and you know loss because you know gain, which makes you nobody’s fool.
180. If it take a world of peace for you to be at peace you are not ready to live in a world of peace. Anyone who desires peace can be at peace when peace is all there is. When you can walk a war world in peace you can be at peace in any world. If you are waiting for a world at peace before you will be at peace, you wait in vain. Every person is his own world. Is there peace in yours?
181. There is a joy so profound, a peace so serene and a happiness so bright that he who possesses it lives in a different world. If you do not now live in that world, you can enter it by changing the thoughts that created the world you live in today. WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS.
182. Everyday is a good day to die. If you are afraid to die, you are afraid to live. Whatever you fear, that is your prison. Today is a good day to die and a good day to live without the fear of dying. Refuse to be afraid. Refuse to live life in a prison of fear. You are free to embrace life fully, to challenge life and yourself, to walk into the dark of the unknown and bask in the light of adventure. No one lives forever and no one knows the day of his dying. If you fear your dying day (knowing not its schedule) you will fear everyday. Life is for living, not dying. Let the day of your dying wait its turn, and when it comes, embrace it like an old friend returning to greet you for your next adventure.
183. I appreciate what I have and don’t complain about what I don’t have. I appreciate what I can do and don’t complain about what I can’t do. Whatever I focus my attention on increases. Whatever thoughts I entertain attracts more of the same. What I complain about increases. What I am thankful for increases. I decide what to think and talk about, and forthwith, affect those things. I have the benefits that come with receiving all things with thankfulness and not the detriments that come with complaining.
184. You are flexible when dealing with life so that you will not get bent out of shape when people and earth do what they do without your permission...again. Being flexible makes life easier on people who have to put up with you and it makes your life easier too.
185. I used to let my mind run wild, untamed, unruly like a child. I didn’t know my mind’s a tool that makes me wise or a fool. I stared watching every thought, banished the foolish ones I caught. Base thoughts that will not leave my mind I replace with other kinds. Two thoughts at once no one can play no matter what the women say.
186. The most valuable work you will ever do is in your mind. Many of the things that show up as your life began in your head. Everything that you think is important and everything that you value and everything that you appreciate is the direct result of the work you have done in your mind. All your likes and dislikes, all your needs, wants and desires, and all your goals and ambitions are the result of what you think, how you think about yourself, people, places and things. Every aspect of your life is subject to your thoughts. Nothing passes through your mind that you don’t eventually become aware of. Why? Because what you think shows up as your life.
187. If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and what you behold is ugly maybe your beholder is broken. It is what it is, deal with it. It was what it was, let go of it. It will be what it will be, don’t worry about it. If what you do is not motivated by love, your motivator needs fixin’. If your smiler is broken you have an internal, not external, problem. If you want to be miserable adopt someone else’s idea of perfection. If you rage against things unchangeable, unalterable and inevitable or something that has already happened you are experiencing true insanity. All truth is subjective. If you don’t believe it, try explaining something without subjecting it to your way of looking at it.
188. If you are ill, sick, diseased, disabled or dead; if you are in danger; if your spouse leaves you or cheats on you; if you lose your job, career or business; if you came in last in the spitting contest; if you are homeless, hungry, destitute, enslaved or without cell service; if you are unappreciated, unloved, have no one to love, are alone and lonely, get no respect, are hated; if your life is empty of challenging and stimulating experiences; if you have not accomplished anything; if you are robbed, burglarized, in an accident or your toilet backs up and soaks your butt and you are bleeding to death and don’t know where your pet monkey is, for sanity sake, can’t you at least enjoy it?
189. Your mind has a mind of its own. Sometimes it thinks thoughts without your permission–thoughts you don’t like. When you realize you are thinking thoughts that don’t serve your joy, peace and happiness (or anyone elses) replace them with thoughts that do. Entertain only kind thoughts that serve you and others. Always know what you are thinking. Be the GUARDIAN at the gate of your mind.
190. I plan my day and work my plan, but some days, the day has its own plan, and those days were some of my best days. Sometimes surrendering to the day is the best way.
191. What you FEEL (when not thinking, interpreting or fighting life) is PEACE.
192. Are your views not different today than yesterday? Perhaps they will be different tomorrow as well. Has there not been a time when you thought you were right and later found out you were wrong and laughed at your perception? Will there never again come a time when you will laugh at yourself? Yes, you will laugh, for your knowledge and understanding increases each day and your views will change in days to come. You are on an amazing journey of self-discovery, so you will not hold fast to today’s thoughts about things, for tomorrow you may be laughing at yourself, and truly, you will enjoy the laugh. As to others, are they not also on a journey of discovery? Yes, so I will laugh with them, but never at them. You will always be their joy and never their sorrow. Wisdom says, only laugh at yourself.
193. Often, humans have a herd-mentality. They have herd values, herd cultures and herd norms. Because of that ,it is an udderly undocile undertaking to buck the herd. If you turn on the herd and feed them new ideas they may turn on you and stampede and trample you, or they make take away your grazing-rights. Herds are not bully about ideas that discombobulate their vested interests. Hobnobbing herds with strong political, ethnic, cultural and religious beliefs must be approached with extreme caution (for your own safety) or you best leave them alone to continue feeding on their accepted common diet (no matter how bad it is for them).
194. If the universe doesn’t love you, why are there peaches?
195. If you believe in an after-life: I passed beyond the world today, crossed to the other side, and walked among the living there who recently had died. There are no frowns, no furrowed brows, no worries and no fears. There are no lonely hearts yearning to return to here. They’re happy there, their joy is full, with family and with friends, and meadows green and clear blue skies and peace that never ends. In loving memory they recall, with fondness they embrace, their journey in a darkened world among the human race. Those days are done, no trials now, no more hearts of stone, for all is love and love is all in that eternal home.
196. You are special and exceptional. In all the universe there is just one you. Yes, you are a sole-original-non-duplicated-solitary-one-of-a-kind-singularly-exclusive unique being. Obviously you are in a category of your own all by yourself, and if that is not exceptionally special, what is? The universe went to a lot of effort forming billions of exceptional and special people just like you, but of course, no one is exactly like you but you, which makes you awesomely you.
197. You are what you think, which is why there’s only one of you. You are what you think, which why you feel like you do. You are what you think, which is why you believe that way. You are what you think, which is why you say what you say. You are what you think, which is why you like or dislike that. You are what you think, which is why you act the way you act. You are what you think, which is why you smile or why you frown. You are what you think, which is why you are up and sometimes down. You can choose what you think but you can’t choose the consequence which makes what you think the most important thing in the world because what you think makes your world.
198. Where does your mind spend it’s time. Two men on a beach watch the sunrise. One says, “See how the sun glows and shimmers. It’s like a Christmas ornament. I cannot tell if the ocean is sinking or the sun is rising. What a marvelous nature show. He then turns to his friend and asks, “What do you think?” The friend keeps looking at the sun and says, “I’m not thinking about the sun rising. I’m experiencing the sun rising.” Sensing the moment is different thank thinking the moment. When you are thinking you hardly notice the day. It vanishes, almost as if it had never been, and unnoticed and gone are many years as if in an instant, and hardly are you able to recall them. Too much thinking and too little sensing makes invisible the simple joys of life. Think less, experience more.
199. You are healthy and getting younger everyday. You are in excellent health. When you look in the mirror you look awesome; you are invincible; you are brilliant; you are inspired; nothing can stop you. You are on top of the world, first-glass, par-none, a home-run, grand-slam and touch-down rolled into a package called you. You are the inspiration you need. You are your biggest fan. You are your own cheering section. You are the parade. Yes, positive thinking works, and so does negative thinking. Life is more fun living on the positive side of a magnet.
200. I am who I think I am which makes me who I am. Life is what I think it is which makes my life what it is. The thoughts I think about myself and life create my personal reality. If I think I am awesome, I am. Whatever I think is true is my truth no matter what others think the truth may be. I know my current perspective affects everything in my life so I keep my mind open to be even more awesomer. Today I am perfect and tomorrow I will be more perfect and the next day even perfecter.
201. Today is the best day of your life. No matter what happens to you today or what you do today, today is going to be the best day of your life. How do you know that? Because you do not compare yesterday to today. Today stands alone. The past is the past and the future is not here, but today, is your day. It is here, it is now; it is all there is. And even if today is your last day, it will be your best day. Yes, today is perfectly your most excellent day. It is a wonderful, awesome and delightful day, and, it is the only day you have for sure, for no one can claim tomorrow until it is today. Today, right now, is the best day of your life.
202. Expect the best be at peace with the rest. What sense would it make to expect less than the best. It would be nonsense since the best can only happen if you expect the best to happen. If you decide to climb a mountain but don’t expect to make it, why go to the trouble? You expect to finish what you start and you expect the best at the finish, and you are not going to let contrary thoughts undermine and sabotage your plans and kill your desires. And you don’t hang around people who stomp on your expectations. Expect the best and be at peace with the rest.
203. There are as many realities as there are people. Every person lives in his own world. At any moment, I am just one thought away from experiencing a different reality. My life will be the same tomorrow if I think the same thoughts as today. How can I be happy if my thoughts make me miserable? If I want to enjoy the day for what it is, instead of what I think it is, I stop thinking. When I unchain myself from my thoughts, there’s just me experiencing life. If you live in a mental prison, your thoughts built the bars.
204. Some days you have to jump-start yourself by jumping up and down and twirling and yelling, “I’m alive, alert, awake enthusiastic!” If you want to feel enthusiastic, act enthusiastic. It’s really that simple..
205. How, but by light is dark discerned? Where is knowledge, understanding and wisdom without opposition in all things? How many heroes without villains? How many noble and selfless without the ignoble and selfish? What can be known without opposites? Can you know hot without cold; high without low; left without right; in without out? Without opposites there would be no knowledge, no value, no appreciation, but, ignorance would abound, so there would be no joy, peace or happiness. Ignorance never was happiness.
206. You are always true to yourself. You cannot but to thin own self be true. Who is this self you serve? Is it not the self that seeks joy, peace, happiness and pleasure and to be at peace with yourself? Avoid pain, seek pleasure; avoid sorrow, seek joy–to this all are true, thus all are true to themselves. You can adopt a code, convention, standard or set of values and swear it by oath, yet should you fail, you are but being true to yourself? No matter how hard you try, you cannot but to thine own self be true.
207. What if nothing is important? Thinking something is important is just that, thinking, and thinking something is important doesn’t make it important except you think so. Thinking nothing is important frees you from everything, which leaves nothing, which is important. Thinking nothing is important destroys the ego’s opinions of what is important, which is very freeing and very important to they who think that’s important. Because other people believe certain things are important, I treat them with kindness, like I would a child who believes in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny.
208. No one has to be like you, think like you, believe like you, act like you, dress like you or have your values. Surely one wonderful you is enough, and for that reason you value other people’s wonderful individuality. You would be bored to tears if the world had billions of people just as wonderful as you.
209. If it’s conditional, it ain’t love. “I love you...if you obey these conditions...” Conditional love is self-serving. It serves a person’s personal needs, wants and desires. If it’s conditional, it’s self-love, and it has no respect for another person’s individuality. Ultimately, love is respecting people’s individuality and the nature of life and the power which sustains it.
210. The only thing standing between you and happiness are your thoughts.
211. You are always in the right place at the right time and never in the wrong place at the wrong time. There are no accidents in life. Everything plays its part perfectly in the cycle of life. If you were supposed to have done it, you would have done it. If you are doing it, you are supposed to be doing it. If you are yet to do it, you will yet do it. If you were supposed to have prevented it, you would have prevented it. If you were supposed to have been there, you would have been there. The universe did not come about by chance or happenstance and neither did you or anyone else nor lives intersecting in time and space.
212. You are not a respecter of persons. You know you did not give yourself your looks, stature, health, intelligence, tenacity, willpower, determination, talents, propensities, strengths and weaknesses, nor did you determine the advantages or disadvantages of your birth. Because you know this, you do not make fun of people. You do not belittle or demean them. And you do not hold people in high esteem regardless of their wealth, power, importance popularity or education. You treat everyone as kindly as you can, as kindly as they allow, and you do not judge them.
213. Life is just life until your thoughts make it personal. Life is just life until you believe it something different. Life is just life until you judge it otherwise. Life is just life until you dress it up in your thoughts. Life is just life unless you don’t think so and then you create expectations that drive you nuts....which is also....life being life, which means we live in a perfectly nutty world.
214. If you are bored with life it is because you will not leave your comfort zone. The biggest challenge in your life is you. Playing it safe may mean you live a longer boring life .
215. Each person does right in his own eyes. You experience life through your eyes, according to your perspective even as everyone else values their own perspective. Your point of view is no more important to you than another persons is to him. You try to do right in your eyes and everyone else does right in their eyes, and being aware that your sight is less than perfect, you judge less and enjoy life more.
216. If you live your life to fulfill other people’s expectations, you are living their lives, not your life. People know when you are not being genuine. Because they know it, they have power over you. They know that you will do things to be accepted. Don’t be fake.
217. Life is a conundrum. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t have it both ways. You can have your cake or eat your cake, but you can’t eat your cake and still have your cake. And if you eat your cake you need milk. But you can’t have your milk and drink it too. Conundrums are usually resolved when you take too long trying to decide what to do (someone comes along and eats your cake and drinks your milk). If you don’t decide what to do, life will decide for you.
218. No matter how young or old you are, try to enjoy your age, for you may never be that old again...(thank goodness).
219. Joy, peace, happiness and pleasure is the human quest, but only a controlled mind secures them.
220. On your last day in the nut orchard your consciousness will pop out of your avatar like a cork in a champagne bottle and you will celebrate your freedom, and after a short time you will ask, “Where’s my next adventure?” because consciousness is just as nuts as humans. WELCOME TO REALITIES THAT NEVER END.