Monday, February 13, 2017

JUST IN CASE I SURVIVE EMBALMING

Just in case I want to enjoy life now, and just in case life continues after embalming and I get incarnated elsewhere or reincarnated on earth somewhere, I’ve decided to see myself being “born” the child every non-insane parent would love to have in their home and then mature to be the kind of person everyone would love to hangout with rather than hang from a lamp post....so I made a list of what almost everyone values and appreciates in other people (even if they do not do the list themselves).

1.  I will be absolutely honest.  I will die before I lie.  I will not let my supposed needs, wants and desires determine whether I will be honest.  I will be honest.  I will not deceive, tell half-truths, leave truths unsaid, nor will I steal, covet or want anything at the expense of anyone.

2.  I will be totally dependable.  If I say it, I will do it.

3.  I will obey my parents while very young.  I will trust (because I won’t know for sure) that they have my best interests at heart.  If I am wrong, I will learn quickly, and thereafter discern their natures, which may alter how I react to them (that’s in case I get born into a crime-family or to a totally nuts, selfish, vain, prideful or greedy couple of demented bastards).

4.  I will not speak unless spoken to or until there is value in my words.  I will be silent, listen and learn.

5.  I will never complain, bitch, moan, groan or throw temper tantrums.  I will do without rather than throw a fit to be tied to a stake and barbecued. 

6.  I will not get irritated, upset, angry or violent nor show discontent in my face or demeanor or other body language.  If I have brothers and sisters I will not quarrel with them.  I will not argue.

7.  Whatever task I am given I will do to the best of my ability and will not leave it undone, no matter the task.

8.  I will not be prideful, vain, selfish or greedy.  I will not glorify myself nor build my self up.  I will do without rather than be contentious or cause contention.

9.  I will be helpful, kind, loving, generous, patient and long-suffering.

10.  I will be the most pleasant child any parent could ask to be in their home and the most pleasant non-human possible (because obviously, I won’t be human).

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